Mailing back and forth with the multi-talented and clever Alan Hostage, has left me feeling quite hungry at times, almost salivating at his frequent mention of food and recipes. The man likes to eat! As do we all, so I surely can appreciate this extra bit of refreshing food knowledge and humor, that he casually throws my way. Do try one of his tasty snacks and whilst preparing your meal, click click to listen to his latest “dirty wonky rave house” track! You’ll be ripping shit up in the kitchen in no time!

Hostage - Rip Shit Up

Hostage’s “Mexican Cheese Toastie Baguette Roll-up”

“Ok, this is the deal, it’s a Monday, you’ve pulled a sicky at work, the day is not off to a great start as you are engulfed by waves of paranoia and regret at what you have done, but it’s a bit later, and you feel fine now, like roundabout 11:30am, so it’s time to make……Hostage’s “Mexican Cheese Toastie Baguette Roll-up”.

Here’s the script: Right, I know you’ve pulled a sicky but you are going to have to pop out to the shops to get a fresh baguette, do this quickly, rememember you are off ill; disguises can help. Get back!

You’re going to have to cut a footlong’s worth of that soft, warm, bread in half and roll it out. Yep, there’s a lot of dough there, too much, quickly roll some of it up into a ball and force it in your gob. Too doughy eh, get some water.

On your rolled out, flat, well, not totally flat, a bit curvy bread, spread some sundried tomato pesto, put some chilli powder in your pesto, come on. Spread this on your bread, fire some cheese on top, doesn’t matter what kind, I like that yellow stuff, it’s ace, um, plenty of that.

Get that in the grill with the fan oven combo on at the same time - yep…I know….advanced….easy…..you can do this…..hang in there soldiers….., yep, a wee bit crispy on the cheese and OUT! GUACAMOLE ON! GAME ON! TO THE SOFA! GET THE TUNES ON! a treat.

This snack is best served with a swiss iced coffee and can be consumed using a standard human’s fork and knife set, or if you’re feeling a tad brave and ever so cheeky after a few swedish pear ciders and this is a late night snack, please, please feel free to roll it up into a cheesey, spicy, yep, you know the later night relaxed flavour flava. Flavour and flava are two very different things, or so I’m told.

The very best of luck with this, and give my regards to your kitchens.

Mr Hostage

Addendum: sorry, i forgot, you’ve got to put some jalepeno’s under the cheese too. this is not optional. you’ve GOT to! Failure to do this is liable to irk the snackfood gods, and damnnn, you don’t want to piss on their chips! or they will piss on yours. I fear that my non-inclusion of this important recipe step means there are thousands, nay, millions of poor people now with soggy chips. All I can do is sincerely apologise for any inconvenience caused. Have a most splendid weekend. A x”